I asked folks on Facebook if they had any questions about literature. They did.
Barry G. asks: Publishing: what is the point?
I don’t know, what’s the point in eating dinner? I get so hungry every night I just want to get up and drive to the nearest Wendy’s and order one of everything and eat there in my car in the dark around the side where the guys used to try to sell you drugs while you get your food. I don’t know why I never bought the drugs. I don’t know why I’m typing this. I try not to think of what the point of anything is or I’d just be sitting here and then I’d be like, What’s the point of sitting here?
Tim S. asks: Is there anything more stupid than wasting a day on describing a cowboy eating beans?
Hell yeah. Getting your hair cut while eating a lollipop is stupid, but that’s how I kicked off my Tuesday morning. I hardly ever go outside in the daylight and when I do I never see any birds. There are these things I do see at night though that circle the two brick smokestacks by my apartment, and I always thought they were bats but no one else seems to agree. Bats don’t fly like that, they say. They’re just up there flying in circles. During the day sometimes I feel like I’m at a desk job with all my friends who have desk jobs because I look at Facebook too. I don’t know when everyone started hating on living life like you’re constantly masturbating.
Alec N. asks: Do you have any advice for writers of children’s fiction?
My gut reaction was, Yeah, don’t do it, but that’s not very true. Seems like children’s fiction got a bad rap when all those mid-career novelists who weren’t quite affording the Porsche yet decided it was time to put down trying to become the next Pynchon or even the next Carver and tried their hand at writing shitty stabs at kids’ books that only adults who still act like kids aesthetically would ever want to read. Most kids’ books I remember loving seem more fucked up than a lot of the adult books that do well now. I’d like to tie down Jonathan Franzen in a white room with a 300-hour stream of Teletubbies and sugar candy bloodfeed and a notepad and some crayons.
Kate D. asks: Why does Arby’s cheese taste so good when it’s clearly poisonous?
Because all humans are rats and it tastes good to eat rat food especially when it’s the color of the eyes of all the children of our future.